Overdosing on Nostalgia: The Not So 'Good Old Days'

I have been feeling fat, and ugly and BLAH lately. I know we all go through times like this, but sometimes, it can be difficult to get out of the funk you're in.

At times like this, it's all too easy to overdose on nostalgia.You might look at yourself and think, 'Damn! What happened? I looked great in this pic!' Keep in mind that you're looking at a picture of yourself from ___ years ago, with today's eyes. It's easy to say that you looked great 'back in the day' - but at that time, you were probably still on yourself about how fat/ugly/BLAH you looked.

Apparently, the dress was based on a design by Christian Dior. Um, okay then.

This was me, my freshman year in High School. I was in Choir my freshman year, and this was the outfit the ladies wore - gents wore a powder blue tux. No, I'm not joking. If I find a color pic, I'll totally post it. It was custom made for me, and I remember being measured for it by a beautiful, popular, girl in her Senior year. She was all business - she needed to measure me, so she could get my outfit done. I was mortified.

A few years later, this is what I looked like:

I'm wearing a t-shirt from KMFDM. I think I gave it to my older sister.




I can remember stretching out my chin as far as I could go, because I've always had a double chin. It always makes me look like I have no neck. I've frequently said that I could deal with being tall and plus sized, if I didn't have this damn double chin...but I am, and I do, so I deal. Don't get me wrong. Frequently, I fantasize about plastic surgery, but since I don't believe in elective surgery (for myself), it'll never happen.

I think that we have a tendency to delude ourselves into thinking that things were better in the past. We have a tendency to forget about the pain and struggles that we endured, and remember all the good things. Sure, it's a form of self-soothing, a way to rationalize what happened to us - but it's also dangerous. Looking back on the past, fondly, is one thing - bemoaning your current situation, and doing nothing about it (except for overdosing on nostalgia) is counterproductive. Take that energy and put it toward making your NOW better.

How am I going to do that? Well, for starters, I'm going to post a picture of myself as I look right now. No, I'm not posting a selfie - I'm going to post the pic that I use for most of my online presence. This blog is no different:

C'est Moi! <3

Yep. That's me. I was having some fun with my phone, taking selfies before they were so popular, and I really liked this pic - so I kept it. So, while it is a 'selfie', at the same time, it's not - this pic is old. Selfie implies that the picture is taken for that specific purpose and time. This was taken at least 2-3 years ago - but it's still good, and I still like it. 

Another thing I'm going to do is to ask myself some questions: Why do I feel like this? What can I do about it? Honestly, I'm not sure why I feel like this right now, other than it being a constant in my life. I always feel like this, but sometimes I can deal with it better than other times. This might be a time of 'low ebb' for me, meaning that things will get better, but I have to be extra kind to myself in the interim.

As for what I can do about it...well, I have to remember the things that give me joy. I love cosmetics - always have, and probably always will. As of late, I've stopped wearing makeup. I would joke that the extra time to sleep did more to benefit my complexion than any makeup - but there's a certain ritual to applying makeup. I've forgotten how much I enjoy wearing makeup, so I've decided to make an conscious effort to start wearing makeup again. A few people have noticed, and I love attention, so it's all good.

I am going to make more of an effort to update this blog, too. I always liked to write, and this is a great outlet. I haven't forgotten about the list I promised back in the last entry, either. :)